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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)


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Dazzling Flag Sutton 19 May 08 7.07pm

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

 
palaceeagles Flag london 19 May 08 8.37pm

Quote Jake d'Eagle at 19 May 2008 4:47pm

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?


(I'll stop now.)


please carry on

they are soo good


im cracking myself up XD

 

----RED BLUE----
------ARMY------
------CPFC-----
mezzer Flag Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 19 May 08 10.19pm

I was walking down the road the other night and this bloke came up to me and said "Have you seen a policeman about?"

I said "no"

He said "Stick 'em up."

 

Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.
mezzer Flag Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 19 May 08 10.20pm

I went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I keep seeing this spinning insect."

He said, "It's just a bug that's going round."

 

Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.
mezzer Flag Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 19 May 08 10.22pm

I said, "Doctor, I can't say my "Fs" my "Ts" and my "Hs".

He said, "You can't say fairer than that then."

 

Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.
keith Flag bracknell 20 May 08 8.47am

what goes, click click, is that it? click click, is that it?

stevie wonder doing a rubic`s cube.

 
lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 20 May 08 9.48am

An Israeli arrives at London's Heathrow airport.

As he fills out a form, the customs officer asks him; "Occupation?"

The Israeli promptly replies "No, just visiting!"

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
Dazzling Flag Sutton 20 May 08 9.58am

The NHS has announced that all sperm banks in Manchester and West London will close for the next couple of days as all the w@nkers will be in Moscow.

 
lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 20 May 08 10.17am

Its not on.
What isnt

Off

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 10.32am

After examining the dog, the Vet said "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down"

"Why - I only brought him here to have his nails clipped" asked the concerned owner.

"Because he's too heavy" said the Vet....

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
Dazzling Flag Sutton 20 May 08 10.48am

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

 
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 10.52am

Doctor doctor I think I'm a pack of cards

Stand over there, I'll deal with you later.

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 10.54am

Doctor doctor I think I'm a biscuit

What type of biscuit?

Thin and crispy, good with cheese.

You're obviously crackers!

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
Dazzling Flag Sutton 20 May 08 10.55am

Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?

He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

 
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 10.55am

A leper was playing cards with his mates.

Eventually he threw his hand in.

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 10.56am

What do you call a pig with a spade up it's arse?

Dawn French.

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
Dazzling Flag Sutton 20 May 08 10.57am

What do you do if a bird sh!ts on your car?

Don't ask her out again.

 
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 11.00am

How do you swat 200 flies at the same time?

Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 11.02am

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'.

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 20 May 08 11.05am

I went to Buckingham Palace to cut Prince William's hair.

I said to the policeman,"Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?"

The policeman said "Have you got a permit?"

I said, "No, just take a trim"

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
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