You are here: Home > Message Board > General Talk > I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2
November 29 2022 2.16pm

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 08 Sep 22 5.40pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

A German man jumped into a freezing lake to save my dog, that had fallen in and was drowning. He said “Here is ze dog. Dry him and varm him up, and he vill be fine”.
I said “Are you a vet?”
“Yes” he said, “I’m bloody soaking”.

 

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View doi209's Profile doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 12 Sep 22 11.10am Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend

Last Thursday, the test cricket v South Africa was rained off. On Friday it was reigned off.

Too early ?

 

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 21 Sep 22 5.26pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

Earlier today I went for a walk down a canal tow path in Birmingham, where I saw a guy fishing in the canal.
"Hello" I said, "Have you caught anything today?"
"Not much," he replied, "Just a whale."
"A WHALE? In Birmingham? What kind of a whale?"
"A bicycle whale."

 

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 23 Sep 22 12.45pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

 


Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag Sittingbourne,Kent/Made in Bromley 14 Oct 22 10.30am Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

I met a girl at a party last Saturday night & said to her ~ "You remind me of my little toe!"

She giggled & replied "you mean to say ~ small & cute?"

No! I mean I'll probably bang you on the table later when I'm pissed

 

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View stuckinbristol's Profile stuckinbristol Flag In the woodwork. 08 Nov 22 2.39pm Send a Private Message to stuckinbristol Add stuckinbristol as a friend

A man walks into a pub, followed by an ostrich and a cat. He walks to the bar and asks for a a pint of beer. The ostrich asks for a pint of beer too, and the cat says "same as them, but I'm not paying." The bartender says "that'll be £16.50". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £16.50. The bartender asks, "how'd you do that?" and the man explains, "The other day I found an old lamp in the basement, so I rubbed it and out comes a genie. You know, he says he'll give me three wishes, so I ask him, I wish I always had exactly enough money in my pocket that I need." The bartender was visibly impressed! "Wow!", he exclaims, "That's amazing! When I hear people saying what they'd wish for, they say something like a million pounds or a fancy car, but that... that's the first time I've heard something practical! So, what else did you wish for?" The man shrugs and says, "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy..."

 

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View becky's Profile becky Flag over the moon 08 Nov 22 8.31pm Send a Private Message to becky Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add becky as a friend

Latest news from the jungle says Boy George has been badly savaged by an angry reptile.


Producers say they wish they had used a calmer chameleon...

 


A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 27 Nov 22 9.55pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

Last night I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish when I went to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

 

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