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A German man jumped into a freezing lake to save my dog, that had fallen in and was drowning. He said “Here is ze dog. Dry him and varm him up, and he vill be fine”.
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Last Thursday, the test cricket v South Africa was rained off. On Friday it was reigned off. Too early ?
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Earlier today I went for a walk down a canal tow path in Birmingham, where I saw a guy fishing in the canal.
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What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you. |
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I met a girl at a party last Saturday night & said to her ~ "You remind me of my little toe!" She giggled & replied "you mean to say ~ small & cute?" No! I mean I'll probably bang you on the table later when I'm pissed
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A man walks into a pub, followed by an ostrich and a cat. He walks to the bar and asks for a a pint of beer. The ostrich asks for a pint of beer too, and the cat says "same as them, but I'm not paying." The bartender says "that'll be £16.50". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £16.50. The bartender asks, "how'd you do that?" and the man explains, "The other day I found an old lamp in the basement, so I rubbed it and out comes a genie. You know, he says he'll give me three wishes, so I ask him, I wish I always had exactly enough money in my pocket that I need." The bartender was visibly impressed! "Wow!", he exclaims, "That's amazing! When I hear people saying what they'd wish for, they say something like a million pounds or a fancy car, but that... that's the first time I've heard something practical! So, what else did you wish for?" The man shrugs and says, "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy..."
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Latest news from the jungle says Boy George has been badly savaged by an angry reptile.
A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers |
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Last night I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish when I went to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
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Some festive cheer for you all.... It's Christmas time, Cliff Richard knew how to write a good Xmas tune
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I went out with a girl with a wooden leg once. But I broke it off.
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I went out with a girl with a lazy eye. I had to end it because she kept seeing people on the side.
"It was a Team effort, I guess it took all players working together to lose this one" |
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Originally posted by CrazyBadger
I went out with a girl with a lazy eye. I had to end it because she kept seeing people on the side. I once went out with a girl who despite having IBS was a parachutist! Unfortunately, she shat on me from a great height.
Now Zaha's got a bit of green grass ahead of him here... and finds Ambrose... not a bad effort!!!! |
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