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December 5 2019 3.25pm

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View Calzardi's Profile Calzardi Flag Croydon 01 Oct 15 12.53pm Send a Private Message to Calzardi Add Calzardi as a friend

A man's queuing up in Tescos. In his basket, he's got an Indian meal for one and a bottle of Magners. He notices a girl queuing up just behind him, and in her basket is a Chinese meal for one and a bottle of Rose.

He gives her a wink and says "You're single aren't you..."

She starts blushing and with a giggle she replies "Yes.. How did you know that!"

He eyes her up and down, gives her another wink and replies "Because you're an ugly c**t".

 


"DFS are selling Boat Sofa's. They've got a sail on."

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 05 Oct 15 11.47pm Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

How much do Essex girls pay for shampoo.
Paand ten.

 


Killing threads on here since 2005

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 14 Oct 15 1.36pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by teachers Miss Smith and Miss Brown, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with Miss Smith and the boys would go with Miss Brown.

Miss Brown was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, love,' he replied.

"I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15"

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 14 Oct 15 1.38pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their
options.

One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker and one was a Homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said,
"If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that he would never
again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs,
they passed a bar.

The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not
stop himself.

His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.

No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool,
stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously
they must take the doctor's words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground,
still burning.

The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said,
"You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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View Red-Blue-Yellow's Profile Red-Blue-Yellow Flag Shirley 14 Oct 15 8.27pm Send a Private Message to Red-Blue-Yellow Add Red-Blue-Yellow as a friend

Did you hear about the two blokes who stole a calender?

They each got 6 months....

 


I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football.
[Link]
twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum
Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely.
Come and JOIN.
Or they'll nick your telly.

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View cpfcarcher's Profile cpfcarcher Flag Crouch End 15 Oct 15 10.54am Send a Private Message to cpfcarcher Add cpfcarcher as a friend

What do you call a man whose life is in ruins? An archaeologist.

 


"He’s a footballer who wants to play football, which obviously helps" – Tony Pulis

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View Horley Eagle's Profile Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 16 Oct 15 2.01pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

An Englishman walks into a bar.
There is usually a Scotsman, Irishman and a Welshman too but they are still at the rugby World Cup.

 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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View scottydogg's Profile scottydogg Flag gold coast australia 19 Oct 15 11.37am Send a Private Message to scottydogg Add scottydogg as a friend

they just found joseph fritzals daughters diary it reads,

monday raped by dad
tuesday raped by dad
wednesday raped by dad
thursday raped by dad
friday raped by dad
saturday raped by dad
sunday dad took me to see brighton play. Wish i stayed at home

 

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View mr. apollo's Profile mr. apollo Flag Somewhere in Switzerland 19 Oct 15 1.45pm Send a Private Message to mr. apollo Add mr. apollo as a friend

Quote Horley Eagle at 16 Oct 2015 2.01pm

An Englishman walks into a bar.
There is usually a Scotsman, Irishman and a Welshman too but they are still at the rugby World Cup.


wooo that joke went old real quick...

 


Glad
All
Over

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View barber o'reilly's Profile barber o'reilly Flag Teenage Wasteland 20 Oct 15 2.42pm Send a Private Message to barber o'reilly Add barber o'reilly as a friend

A Woman walks into a sex shop and the assistant asks if there is anything in particular she is looking for. Slightly embarrassed she replies that she would like to buy a vibrator. The assistant proceeds to bring out a selection of various models for her to look at . Coyly the Woman looks at them and then says , well actually there is one in the window I really like the look of. The assistant looking puzzled replies , can you show me ? The woman points it out to her and the assistant replies , well is The window cleaners Flask you are looking at , but I am sure you could make him an offer on it !

 


Shed 7 - Maroon 5 . A real end to end encounter !

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View phil38's Profile phil38 Flag london 20 Oct 15 3.41pm Send a Private Message to phil38 Add phil38 as a friend

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when charlton win the premier league."
"You crafty c**t!" said the fairy.

 

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View cpfcarcher's Profile cpfcarcher Flag Crouch End 20 Oct 15 3.49pm Send a Private Message to cpfcarcher Add cpfcarcher as a friend

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

Normally they’d have a drink but all the Australian, New Zealand and South African bar staff are at the rugby……

 


"He’s a footballer who wants to play football, which obviously helps" – Tony Pulis

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