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November 14 2019 2.35pm

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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Hoof Hearted 04 Nov 15 9.11am

A hotel guest calls the Front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you, sir?"

The man says, “Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately.

I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."

The man replies, "Listen you idiot.

The window won't open... and that's a maintenance matter."

 

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View ex hibitionist's Profile ex hibitionist Flag Hastings 10 Nov 15 6.09pm Send a Private Message to ex hibitionist Add ex hibitionist as a friend

What's brown, lives at the bottom of the sea and attacks mermaids?


Jack the Kipper.


 

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Catfish Flag Burgess Hill 11 Nov 15 8.58pm

An old lady goes to the dentists and when she gets there strips off her drawers, lays on the couch and raises her knees in the air.
"I think you should know" says the dentist, "I'm not a gynaecologist"
"I know that" says the old lady "but my husband wants his teeth back".

 


Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial

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View bilbo's Profile bilbo Flag 12 Nov 15 1.19am Send a Private Message to bilbo Add bilbo as a friend

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out, man.

 

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View bilbo's Profile bilbo Flag 12 Nov 15 1.20am Send a Private Message to bilbo Add bilbo as a friend

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey.

 

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View bilbo's Profile bilbo Flag 12 Nov 15 1.23am Send a Private Message to bilbo Add bilbo as a friend

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

 

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View bilbo's Profile bilbo Flag 12 Nov 15 11.29pm Send a Private Message to bilbo Add bilbo as a friend

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that but it's also terrible.

 

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View dannyh's Profile dannyh Flag wherever I lay my hat....... 13 Nov 15 1.17pm Send a Private Message to dannyh Add dannyh as a friend

Last night I tried sharing a bag of chips with a tramp who was sat in a doorway.

Tight bastad told me to fcuk off and get my own chips.

 


"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag Oxley, Arkansas 14 Nov 15 9.09pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

The blonde's phonee call...

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at B&Q"

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth, why did you do that?"

"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."

 


God looked down and said "things are bad,I need to give the world an enema,..now where exactly is Liverpool ? "

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Hoof Hearted 15 Nov 15 9.57am

Quote Cannonball at 14 Nov 2015 9.09pm

The blonde's phonee call...

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at B&Q"

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth, why did you do that?"

"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."


When she was on her way there to the store someone asked her "Is there a B&Q in Croydon?"

She replied "No... but there's a C, R, O, Y, D, another O and an N.

 

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View bilbo's Profile bilbo Flag 15 Nov 15 5.23pm Send a Private Message to bilbo Add bilbo as a friend

What time does Sean Connery like to show up at wimbledon?

Tennish.

 

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View bilbo's Profile bilbo Flag 15 Nov 15 5.25pm Send a Private Message to bilbo Add bilbo as a friend

What is the definition of endless love?

Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles in a tennis match.

 

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