Single mums were like the holy grail when I was cruising for clunge. When I say cruising, I mean sitting at home dribbling and looking at women like they were pieces of meat on the internet. But anyway yeah, single mums were the best!

Several years ago I recall over-hearing a conversation in a pub - the chap said he took a lady out for their first date and he asked her what she would like to drink. "Champagne I guess" is what she said to which he replied "Well guess again" !

I definitely did, if you know what I mean.

There were times when I used to use a certain dating website where I could start talking to a girl one evening and have her in bed by the following evening. Strangely the ones who said "no perverts" or things like that on their profile were often the easiest to groom. I'm not boasting really, some of them would've been kicked out of a zoo for scaring the animals, but I did have a rather enjoyable Summer a few years back that didn't involve wearing my pants very much.

I think I am just very convincingly unthreatening. Not so much a Hugh Grant, but I did have a very polite way of offering my services. Perhaps I shouldn't be quite so boastful about my antics.

More like Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates. Not in appearance mind you. And I've not killed anyone yet. Stuffed a few birds though.