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View dannyh's Profile dannyh Flag wherever I lay my hat....... 10 Oct 17 10.25am Send a Private Message to dannyh Add dannyh as a friend

Originally posted by nickgusset

One of the gay couples my missus works with adopted son had a f***ing awful time before being removed from his natural parents. The poor kid has been psychologically damaged by them (which is why my Mrs works with the kid). The 2 blokes bringing the boy up are doing a brilliant job by all accounts and will be a much more positive influence than the natural parents.

Does the op still think the infanticide was down to progressivism?

Your cherry picking scenario's to suit your argument. There is no doubt the couple looking after that poor lad are doing a great job. However would they be able to do as good a job as a stable and loving mother and father.

My answer is no they can't it's not biologically possible even you must be able to see that.

 


"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

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View Mapletree's Profile Mapletree Flag Croydon 10 Oct 17 10.26am Send a Private Message to Mapletree Add Mapletree as a friend

Originally posted by dannyh

I absolutely agree that single parents are actually in the same boat as same sex parents, in that one half of the usual set up is missing. However that is somewhat different in that in a large percentage of single parented children, have a father or mother who is estranged, not a test tube.

Point being they still have some contact with a maternal or paternal figure, errant fathers and mothers are totally different and more often than not at some point a surrogate or replacement is brought into the family unit.

There are obviously varying degrees of single parent hood, but in the main I agree that it is hard with just one of you. I don't think that changes if you add a member of the same sex to the family unit, in fact I think you could have 20 dads, you'd still need a mother figure in the family for the child to converse with.

My two girls crave their nans company (my mum) no matter how good a dad I am, they still want that female family connection. It's human nature I'm afraid.

Edited by dannyh (10 Oct 2017 10.18am)

I take that as you agreeing with me then. Assuming the couple concerned has the good sense to involve other close friends and family this isn't a particularly bad arrangement and is probably better than a significant number of family structures.

In the UK we are very hung up by the nuclear family. I had mates in Borneo who gave away a child to their cousins because they had plenty and the cousins didn't. They stayed very close, the arrangement was well known to the child and it worked extremely well.

 

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View dannyh's Profile dannyh Flag wherever I lay my hat....... 10 Oct 17 10.34am Send a Private Message to dannyh Add dannyh as a friend

Originally posted by Mapletree

I take that as you agreeing with me then. Assuming the couple concerned has the good sense to involve other close friends and family this isn't a particularly bad arrangement and is probably better than a significant number of family structures.

In the UK we are very hung up by the nuclear family. I had mates in Borneo who gave away a child to their cousins because they had plenty and the cousins didn't. They stayed very close, the arrangement was well known to the child and it worked extremely well.

I do agree yes, but only to a point. I suppose what I'm saying is that as an alternative to a s***ty life, with even s***tier parents then same sex couples who offer the child a better environment are obviously better for that child.

My question is are they better than a stable loving mother and father. My opinion is no they are not, and nature (not just humans but pretty much all life on the planet) backs me up on that point.

 


"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

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nickgusset Flag Shizzlehurst 10 Oct 17 10.43am

Originally posted by dannyh

Your cherry picking scenario's to suit your argument. There is no doubt the couple looking after that poor lad are doing a great job. However would they be able to do as good a job as a stable and loving mother and father.

My answer is no they can't it's not biologically possible even you must be able to see that.

Not cherry picking. Just sharing my own personal experience in this field. I'm sure there are cases of parents being cunds whatever the permutation of mums dad's gays straights etc.

I'm not sure you can better a stable loving mother and father though.

 

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jamiemartin721 Flag Reading 10 Oct 17 10.45am

Originally posted by dannyh

Your cherry picking scenario's to suit your argument. There is no doubt the couple looking after that poor lad are doing a great job. However would they be able to do as good a job as a stable and loving mother and father.

My answer is no they can't it's not biologically possible even you must be able to see that.

Would the kid need adopting if they had a stable loving mother and father. The priority in care is to get kids into adoption.

Of course this doesn't apply to children of surrogates and normal instance (many gay men have children anyhow).

 


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jamiemartin721 Flag Reading 10 Oct 17 10.47am

Originally posted by johnno42000

My mum died when I was young but I can still remember getting a hug from her for no other reason than she loved me. My Dad hugged as well but that was normally because I had achieved something or done something well. Mums hugs are special.

To you maybe, my mum and dad both hugged me just because they loved me. I was brought up like that, my dad, and me, are huggers - despite him being quite a tough guy.

 


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View Mapletree's Profile Mapletree Flag Croydon 10 Oct 17 10.55am Send a Private Message to Mapletree Add Mapletree as a friend

Originally posted by dannyh

I do agree yes, but only to a point. I suppose what I'm saying is that as an alternative to a s***ty life, with even s***tier parents then same sex couples who offer the child a better environment are obviously better for that child.

My question is are they better than a stable loving mother and father. My opinion is no they are not, and nature (not just humans but pretty much all life on the planet) backs me up on that point.

Interesting, it seems you think same sex couples automatically are sh*tty parents. My point is that they may start out with some disadvantage but in my experience they compensate for that in a very active and thoughtful way, to the point they are probably better parents than the majority. Especially if they are supported by grandparents who frequently are the prime carer in any case where there are mixed sex parents.

 

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nickgusset Flag Shizzlehurst 10 Oct 17 10.57am

[Link]

A synopsis of research into same sex parenting.

Most studies say there isn't much difference but there hasn't been as much research into 2 gay dad's as 2 lesbian mums so can't be conclusive.

Not surprisingly, the factors that have most impact are differences in child well-being were largely due to socioeconomic circumstances and family stability.

 

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View Michaelawt85's Profile Michaelawt85 Flag Bexley 10 Oct 17 11.00am Send a Private Message to Michaelawt85 Add Michaelawt85 as a friend

Originally posted by dannyh

I do agree yes, but only to a point. I suppose what I'm saying is that as an alternative to a s***ty life, with even s***tier parents then same sex couples who offer the child a better environment are obviously better for that child.

My question is are they better than a stable loving mother and father. My opinion is no they are not, and nature (not just humans but pretty much all life on the planet) backs me up on that point.

See this is the thing. There's a very true saying in life. What you don't have you don't miss. Your girls had their mum , you all remember her . You are also a male raising two girls. Much the same for a woman raising boys who have had their father present.

My case as you know is I have never met or known the identity of my father. Growing up I didn't bat an eyelid. To me I had a mum. Didn't give any thought to my father. As I say what you don't have you don't miss. It's bothered me immensely as I grew older and learnt the details behind my entry into the world. But as a kid. Nope. Made no difference to me at all. However I realise this may be because I am a female and it's a male figure. I wonder therefore what difference or impact it has if it's the opposite gender to the child who is absent for whatever reason.

 


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View johnno42000's Profile johnno42000 Flag 10 Oct 17 11.11am Send a Private Message to johnno42000 Add johnno42000 as a friend

Originally posted by jamiemartin721

To you maybe, my mum and dad both hugged me just because they loved me. I was brought up like that, my dad, and me, are huggers - despite him being quite a tough guy.

My old man was an ex-miner and a docker but his hugs were special as I knew I had done something well.

 


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jamiemartin721 Flag Reading 10 Oct 17 11.13am

Originally posted by dannyh

Nick and Hog, for once I can actually see both sides, Nick your right in the fact that Infanticide is not the premise of same sex couples, and in fact is much more common in mothers.

However I am a single parent and have been since my wife died of suicide back in Sep 2014. I have (I like to think) been the best dad I can possibly be, but as my two girls get older, it is quite clear to me that they also need a female role model in their life, a mother figure if you will, girls need a mum, no matter how good I am a father some things are just better done by mum. That's not misogynist it's just a fact, I can't teach the girls how to apply make up, or paint toenails ( although I have let them practice on me, which has raised some eyebrows in the showers lol). I can't advise them on how much a period will hurt as I've never had one, I could go on but I'm not going to insult your intelligence.

As humans we are designed to procreate with each other, to breed, to argue against that is idiocy of the highest order.

Be gay if you like, but if you are gay I don't see why that you should feel entitled to a child ? To have to mums, or two dads, or two trans gender parents who are gender fluid, and wake up one day identifying as a woman, the next a man is not Normal. Normality in this case is backed up by evolution and biology.

The only way same sex parents can have baby's is by adoption, or medical interference, therefore you can not argue that it is "normal".

I'm not arguing it can't work, just that it isn't normal, and that more care and support needs to go into same sex parenting, it is after all as a concept, largely in it's infancy (pardon the pun) we are yet to see if there are any long term psychological effects for the children of same sex or trans gender couples,compared to children who have grown up with the more traditional mum and dad scenario.

Edited by dannyh (10 Oct 2017 9.42am)

I don't think that gay parents should be the first in line in terms of adoption and that the priority of adoption agencies should be to place children in families that suit the ideal basis for that child wherever possible.

However, there is, and always has been a shortage of adoptive parents. Gay couples are a solution to that that is better than the alternative (staying in care and bouncing around foster families until you're kicked out into the world). Hell, even single adoptive parents are often better than a life in care or in the foster system - Even if it means being the kid with two dads at school (because before that you were the kid with no parents at school and getting bullied for that).

Plus of course, some kids are gay and might actually benefit from being brought up or placed with parents who actually understand what they're going through (a lot of people who are gay, report knowing from a young age).

So is it the ideal placement for a kid, no. But its better than no placement, and its probably the second best option.

Problem with finding a male female couple who want to adopt is that they're the least likely group - as they'll usually have to be infertile and unresponsive to IVF and treatments (which could take upwards of 5-10 years to come to a conclusion over).

Clouding the issue of best interests for the kid in care with ideals runs the danger of missing the point - that kids in care and in foster care, are already in a high risk environment.

Child Protective Services as well would likely find it much easier to remove kids from risky environments, if they had better options that care and foster care.

 


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View dannyh's Profile dannyh Flag wherever I lay my hat....... 10 Oct 17 11.13am Send a Private Message to dannyh Add dannyh as a friend

Originally posted by Mapletree

Interesting, it seems you think same sex couples automatically are sh*tty parents. My point is that they may start out with some disadvantage but in my experience they compensate for that in a very active and thoughtful way, to the point they are probably better parents than the majority. Especially if they are supported by grandparents who frequently are the prime carer in any case where there are mixed sex parents.

Where the fCuk did I say that ??? I said same sex parents as an alternative to a life with sh1thouse parents are obviously a better option.. Jesus.

 


"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

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