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View Hrolf The Ganger's Profile Hrolf The Ganger Flag 10 Oct 17 7.56am Send a Private Message to Hrolf The Ganger Add Hrolf The Ganger as a friend

Originally posted by jamiemartin721

All these arguements are somewhat pointless as adopted kids arent from any kind of ideal social environment or typical from perfect parents. Most kids in the care system would be better off with one decent parent irrespective of gender or sexual orientatiom

I think I already said that.

 

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View Hrolf The Ganger's Profile Hrolf The Ganger Flag 10 Oct 17 8.01am Send a Private Message to Hrolf The Ganger Add Hrolf The Ganger as a friend

Originally posted by Mapletree

What a huge amount of opinion without any evidence.

Irrespective of any other deeper considerations. Do you think any child would rather have two men or women as parents rather than a mum and dad? Any amount of 'progressive' spin won't change reality.

 

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View johnno42000's Profile johnno42000 Flag 10 Oct 17 8.44am Send a Private Message to johnno42000 Add johnno42000 as a friend

My mum died when I was young but I can still remember getting a hug from her for no other reason than she loved me. My Dad hugged as well but that was normally because I had achieved something or done something well. Mums hugs are special.

 


'Lies to the masses as are like fly's to mollasses...they want more and more and more'

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View Rudi Hedman's Profile Rudi Hedman Flag Caterham 10 Oct 17 9.03am Send a Private Message to Rudi Hedman Add Rudi Hedman as a friend

Originally posted by Hrolf The Ganger

On face value, if I were in charge of such things, I would not allow same sex adoptions. My logic would be that the child's welfare is far more important than the wishes of a would be adopting parent. I would be very surprised if there was not some psychological price to pay for having same sex parents, especially men.

That said, the issue is whether the demand among different sex couples is sufficient to ensure that children are not spending years in care waiting to be adopted. In that case, there is an argument to allow same sex adoption.
I would certainly ban surrogacy for same sex couples and prioritise different sex couples followed by female couples over male couples.
Adoption is not about keeping couples happy. It is about the child.
The Elton John situation would never happen if I had anything to do with it, good parent or not.

This is pretty much how I see it, maybe I wish I didn't, and maybe we should remember the perfect family set up is disappearing before our eyes. Children are so open to everything if it's not communicated as odd or unusual then I think acceptance in large towns and cities could be close.

An unfortunate issue is the gay person's tick list which I've heard gay men having issues with too.

Edited by Rudi Hedman (10 Oct 2017 10.43am)

 


COYP

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View dannyh's Profile dannyh Flag wherever I lay my hat....... 10 Oct 17 9.38am Send a Private Message to dannyh Add dannyh as a friend

Originally posted by nickgusset

Both men and women can be s*** parents. Both men and women can be brilliant parents.

I know one gay couple . My mates son is 6.
The only thing bad the dads have done is take the boy to Spurs!

I know of two gay couples (my other half has worked with them) who have both adopted and are doing a brilliant job

Nick and Hog, for once I can actually see both sides, Nick your right in the fact that Infanticide is not the premise of same sex couples, and in fact is much more common in mothers.

However I am a single parent and have been since my wife died of suicide back in Sep 2014. I have (I like to think) been the best dad I can possibly be, but as my two girls get older, it is quite clear to me that they also need a female role model in their life, a mother figure if you will, girls need a mum, no matter how good I am a father some things are just better done by mum. That's not misogynist it's just a fact, I can't teach the girls how to apply make up, or paint toenails ( although I have let them practice on me, which has raised some eyebrows in the showers lol). I can't advise them on how much a period will hurt as I've never had one, I could go on but I'm not going to insult your intelligence.

As humans we are designed to procreate with each other, to breed, to argue against that is idiocy of the highest order.

Be gay if you like, but if you are gay I don't see why that you should feel entitled to a child ? To have to mums, or two dads, or two trans gender parents who are gender fluid, and wake up one day identifying as a woman, the next a man is not Normal. Normality in this case is backed up by evolution and biology.

The only way same sex parents can have baby's is by adoption, or medical interference, therefore you can not argue that it is "normal".

I'm not arguing it can't work, just that it isn't normal, and that more care and support needs to go into same sex parenting, it is after all as a concept, largely in it's infancy (pardon the pun) we are yet to see if there are any long term psychological effects for the children of same sex or trans gender couples,compared to children who have grown up with the more traditional mum and dad scenario.

Edited by dannyh (10 Oct 2017 9.42am)

 


"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

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hedgehog50 Flag Croydon 10 Oct 17 9.45am

Originally posted by dannyh

Nick and Hog, for once I can actually see both sides, Nick your right in the fact that Infanticide is not the premise of same sex couples, and in fact is much more common in mothers.

However I am a single parent and have been since my wife died of suicide back in Sep 2014. I have (I like to think) been the best dad I can possibly be, but as my two girls get older, it is quite clear to me that they also need a female role model in their life, a mother figure if you will, girls need a mum, no matter how good I am a father some things are just better done by mum. That's not misogynist it's just a fact, I can't teach the girls how to apply make up, or paint toenails ( although I have let them practice on me, which has raised some eyebrows in the showers lol). I can't advise them on how much a period will hurt as I've never had one, I could go on but I'm not going to insult your intelligence.

As humans we are designed to procreate with each other, to breed, to argue against that is idiocy of the highest order.

Be gay if you like, but if you are gay I don't see why that you should feel entitled to a child ? To have to mums, or two dads, or two trans gender parents who are gender fluid, and wake up one day identifying as a woman, the next a man is not Normal. Normality in this case is backed up by evolution and biology.

The only way same sex parents can have baby's is by adoption, or medical interference, therefore you can not argue that it is "normal".

I'm not arguing it can't work, just that it isn't normal, and that more care and support needs to go into same sex parenting, it is after all as a concept, largely in it's infancy (pardon the pun) we are yet to see if there are any long term psychological effects for the children of same sex or trans gender couples,compared to children who have grown up with the more traditional mum and dad scenario.

Edited by dannyh (10 Oct 2017 9.42am)

Large doses of common sense from Danny - as is usually the case.

 


We have now sunk to a depth at which the restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men. [Orwell]

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View Michaelawt85's Profile Michaelawt85 Flag Bexley 10 Oct 17 9.54am Send a Private Message to Michaelawt85 Add Michaelawt85 as a friend

The sexual orientation of the offender has absolutely zero to do with his behaviour and what he did to that child.

Fact. You are most at risk of being killed by someone you know.

Next fact. Your greatest risk of being murdered is if you are baby aged less than 12 months and most at risk of being harmed by your biological parents.

How many children do we read about who come to harm by mum's partner or new boyfriend. Could argue our 'progressive' society which accepts children born out of wedlock, divorce and the blended family is to blame.

Personally in an ideal world as dannyh has touched upon a child would be born to and raised by a mother and father. However in some cases where there is neglect and abuse I would rather the child / children be removed and brought up by two parents of the same gender than remain in an environment where their life was at risk or be pushed around the care system.

 


When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

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View Mapletree's Profile Mapletree Flag Croydon 10 Oct 17 9.55am Send a Private Message to Mapletree Add Mapletree as a friend

Originally posted by dannyh

Nick and Hog, for once I can actually see both sides, Nick your right in the fact that Infanticide is not the premise of same sex couples, and in fact is much more common in mothers.

However I am a single parent and have been since my wife died of suicide back in Sep 2014. I have (I like to think) been the best dad I can possibly be, but as my two girls get older, it is quite clear to me that they also need a female role model in their life, a mother figure if you will, girls need a mum, no matter how good I am a father some things are just better done by mum. That's not misogynist it's just a fact, I can't teach the girls how to apply make up, or paint toenails ( although I have let them practice on me, which has raised some eyebrows in the showers lol). I can't advise them on how much a period will hurt as I've never had one, I could go on but I'm not going to insult your intelligence.

As humans we are designed to procreate with each other, to breed, to argue against that is idiocy of the highest order.

Be gay if you like, but if you are gay I don't see why that you should feel entitled to a child ? To have to mums, or two dads, or two trans gender parents who are gender fluid, and wake up one day identifying as a woman, the next a man is not Normal. Normality in this case is backed up by evolution and biology.

The only way same sex parents can have baby's is by adoption, or medical interference, therefore you can not argue that it is "normal".

I'm not arguing it can't work, just that it isn't normal, and that more care and support needs to go into same sex parenting, it is after all as a concept, largely in it's infancy (pardon the pun) we are yet to see if there are any long term psychological effects for the children of same sex or trans gender couples,compared to children who have grown up with the more traditional mum and dad scenario.

Edited by dannyh (10 Oct 2017 9.42am)

I believe same sex couples are fully aware that they need to do something extra compared to same sex couples. We have a lesbian at work with a daughter and I know she and her partner make sure the daughter has plenty of male interaction. I would guess it's common for other family members to be highly involved in supporting as well. And LGBT people tend to be well networked so I anticipate there will be a lot of learning going on.

In the UK according to Gingerbread one quarter of families have a single parent (only 2% of whom are teenagers before someone makes a wisecrack). In comparison this must be a very tiny proportion and I can't see how it can be a worse environment. So it makes me wonder why it gets so much attention.

 

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View becky's Profile becky Flag over the moon 10 Oct 17 9.58am Send a Private Message to becky Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add becky as a friend

What bothers me most about this report is that the child had been in his care for 8 months before the formal adoption, and had already suffered several other injuries.

The article talks about her 'coming into his care', so was she fostered or was she perhaps the child of one or other of these two from a casual encounter? It's not usual for a baby simply to come into someone's possession, surely?

Given the very restrictive criteria for adoption by heterosexual couples, and the close scrutiny under which they are kept before allowing to adopt, how come the problems with this guy were never picked up earlier? Those texts alone should have set some alarm bells ringing with friends and family that he was struggling to cope!

 


A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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nickgusset Flag Shizzlehurst 10 Oct 17 10.01am

Originally posted by Michaelawt85

The sexual orientation of the offender has absolutely zero to do with his behaviour and what he did to that child.

Fact. You are most at risk of being killed by someone you know.

Next fact. Your greatest risk of being murdered is if you are baby aged less than 12 months and most at risk of being harmed by your biological parents.

How many children do we read about who come to harm by mum's partner or new boyfriend. Could argue our 'progressive' society which accepts children born out of wedlock, divorce and the blended family is to blame.

Personally in an ideal world as dannyh has touched upon a child would be born to and raised by a mother and father. However in some cases where there is neglect and abuse I would rather the child / children be removed and brought up by two parents of the same gender than remain in an environment where their life was at risk or be pushed around the care system.

One of the gay couples my missus works with adopted son had a f***ing awful time before being removed from his natural parents. The poor kid has been psychologically damaged by them (which is why my Mrs works with the kid). The 2 blokes bringing the boy up are doing a brilliant job by all accounts and will be a much more positive influence than the natural parents.

Does the op still think the infanticide was down to progressivism?

 

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nickgusset Flag Shizzlehurst 10 Oct 17 10.04am

Originally posted by becky

What bothers me most about this report is that the child had been in his care for 8 months before the formal adoption, and had already suffered several other injuries.

The article talks about her 'coming into his care', so was she fostered or was she perhaps the child of one or other of these two from a casual encounter? It's not usual for a baby simply to come into someone's possession, surely?

Given the very restrictive criteria for adoption by heterosexual couples, and the close scrutiny under which they are kept before allowing to adopt, how come the problems with this guy were never picked up earlier? Those texts alone should have set some alarm bells ringing with friends and family that he was struggling to cope!

In a lot of cases, grandparents get custody of a child. In most cases it's great, but in others, the authorities neglect to see that the 'bad' parents are bad because of the way they were brought up by their own bad parents. But using grandparents is a much cheaper option.

 

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View dannyh's Profile dannyh Flag wherever I lay my hat....... 10 Oct 17 10.16am Send a Private Message to dannyh Add dannyh as a friend

Originally posted by Mapletree

I believe same sex couples are fully aware that they need to do something extra compared to same sex couples. We have a lesbian at work with a daughter and I know she and her partner make sure the daughter has plenty of male interaction. I would guess it's common for other family members to be highly involved in supporting as well. And LGBT people tend to be well networked so I anticipate there will be a lot of learning going on.

In the UK according to Gingerbread one quarter of families have a single parent (only 2% of whom are teenagers before someone makes a wisecrack). In comparison this must be a very tiny proportion and I can't see how it can be a worse environment. So it makes me wonder why it gets so much attention.

I absolutely agree that single parents are actually in the same boat as same sex parents, in that one half of the usual set up is missing. However that is somewhat different in that in a large percentage of single parented children, have a father or mother who is estranged, not a test tube.

Point being they still have some contact with a maternal or paternal figure, errant fathers and mothers are totally different and more often than not at some point a surrogate or replacement is brought into the family unit.

There are obviously varying degrees of single parent hood, but in the main I agree that it is hard with just one of you. I don't think that changes if you add a member of the same sex to the family unit, in fact I think you could have 20 dads, you'd still need a mother figure in the family for the child to converse with.

My two girls crave their nans company (my mum) no matter how good a dad I am, they still want that female family connection. It's human nature I'm afraid.

Edited by dannyh (10 Oct 2017 10.18am)

 


"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

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