> > Guido the Italian Lover
> >>
> >> A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at
> >> his
> >> favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young
> >> blonde woman.
> >>
> >> Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
> >> apartment
> >> and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he
> rattled
> >> her senseless.
> >>
> >> After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, 'So, you finish?'
> >>
> >> She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'
> >>
> >> Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
> >>
> >> This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of
> >> passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, 'You
>
> >> finish?'
> >>
> >> Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to
> >> him
> >> and softly says, 'No.'
> >>
> >> Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied,
> >> Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his
> >> strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming,
> >> bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
> >>
> >> Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn
> >> his
> >> head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
> >> 'You finish?'
> >>
> >> Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, 'No,
> >> I'm Norwegian.'
> >>
> >>

Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

Nice one Monkster!You and eagleye are way too good for this thread.

I know you are but what am I?

I've got this mate who's an Owl,last week he told me he was getting married,I couldn't believe it,I said-"you twit,to who?"

WIFE FROM HELL
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and saysthrough clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

'Only when he's been drinking.'

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad minton!