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June 16 2024 12.08am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Rogers the legend's Profile Rogers the legend Flag Auckland 07 Nov 08 1.25am Send a Private Message to Rogers the legend Add Rogers the legend as a friend

While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a
bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in
wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'

To which she replied, 'I'm late for work....'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what?............

A rectum stretcher?

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I
work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?' he asked

'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'

 


It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

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View Rogers the legend's Profile Rogers the legend Flag Auckland 07 Nov 08 3.39am Send a Private Message to Rogers the legend Add Rogers the legend as a friend

There's this woman and she's really ugly, she's so ugly that she can't get a man or get laid no mater what she doe's, she's tried everything to no avail. One day she gets talking to a friend, who informs her that she has a Chineses doctor who can perform miracles. "If he can't solve your problem no one can". So full of hope she goe's for an appointment.

"Please sit" he says "What is ploblem"

"I can't get a man no mater what I do" she says

"OK take off all your clothes" he says

This she does

"Get on hands and knees"

"Now crawl toward me" This she does

"Now turn round, crawl back" This she does

"Now put on your clothes"

She finishes dressing herself and sits down. " Well is there anything wrong with me?" she asks.

"Yes......you have Ed Zakerley disease" he replies

"Ed Zakerley disease....what that?"

"Well no mater which way round you are you look Ed Zakerley the same to me"!!!


 


It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

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View ReichEagles's Profile ReichEagles Flag 21 Nov 08 5.59pm Send a Private Message to ReichEagles Add ReichEagles as a friend

Prepare this may offend most people

you know that Baby P?
seeing as it was beaten so badly why don't they call it Baby mushy P's?

 

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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 21 Nov 08 11.53pm

Quote ReichEagles at 21 Nov 2008 5:59pm

Prepare this may offend most people

you know that Baby P?
seeing as it was beaten so badly why don't they call it Baby mushy P's?


That sort of joke is really not meant for this thread Reich!!!!
This is a crap joke thread.Not a sick crap joke thread!

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View collier row eagle's Profile collier row eagle Flag romford essex via another galaxy 02 Dec 08 6.20pm Send a Private Message to collier row eagle Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add collier row eagle as a friend

Quote ReichEagles at 21 Nov 2008 5:59pm

Prepare this may offend most people

you know that Baby P?
seeing as it was beaten so badly why don't they call it Baby mushy P's?

Booooooooooooo

 

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View eryr's Profile eryr Flag Caerphillydelphia 04 Dec 08 12.47pm Send a Private Message to eryr Add eryr as a friend

[Link]

Love this...

 


Dulce et decorum est pro Palace mori

"Gee, you and I oughtta get on swell Mister Burton, as we're both Selts".
"No, I am a Selt. You are a Sunt."

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright

[Link]

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View morganistic's Profile morganistic Flag 07 Dec 08 11.55am Send a Private Message to morganistic Add morganistic as a friend

what have Brussel sprouts and pubic hair got in common?

you push them both to one side and carry on eating

 


[Link]
''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 11 Dec 08 9.14am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I was speeding down the motorway at 100mph in my lorry when a motorbike came up along side me.
He looked at me...did a handstand on his bike, then tapped my window.
"You haven't got a fag have you mate?" he said.
"A fag....you're going to f*cking kill yourself!" I shouted.
"No......I only smoke 10 a day," he said.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 11 Dec 08 6.30pm

How do you make Welsh cheese?


Caerphilly.

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View MUNDESLEY's Profile MUNDESLEY Flag LEICESTER 14 Dec 08 9.36pm Send a Private Message to MUNDESLEY Add MUNDESLEY as a friend

What's green and smells of pork ?

Kermit's middle finger

 

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Uncle Focker Flag 15 Dec 08 12.08pm

The Met Police have finally admitted that hey got it wrong on the shooting of Charles de Menezes.

They were really after his naughty brother Dennis.

 


Gone away

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View braunstoneagle's Profile braunstoneagle Flag the middle of bumf*** nowhere... 15 Dec 08 4.18pm Send a Private Message to braunstoneagle Add braunstoneagle as a friend

Quote Uncle Focker at 15 Dec 2008 12:08pm

The Met Police have finally admitted that hey got it wrong on the shooting of Charles de Menezes.

They were really after his naughty brother Dennis.


bastid...i had just cut that joke to post.

 


‘Football isn’t instant coffee. You have to work at it. You must grow the bean, grind it.’ Ian Holloway


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