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July 21 2024 4.42am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 27 Jul 08 8.50pm

Way too clever for this thread Jake.Your earlier stuff on here was far more suited!

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View merseyeagle's Profile merseyeagle Flag sunny tranmere 28 Jul 08 7.30pm Send a Private Message to merseyeagle Add merseyeagle as a friend

Whats brown and rhymes with snoop????

Dr Dre.

 

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 31 Jul 08 8.56pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was
closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the
younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew
his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Donot ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't
want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the
pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball
roared towards them, blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited
him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his
Big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn
near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy
friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap
his p**** around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View x_leanne_x fan 4eva's Profile x_leanne_x fan 4eva Flag Wallington 03 Aug 08 9.55pm Send a Private Message to x_leanne_x fan 4eva Add x_leanne_x fan 4eva as a friend

whilst at work a man slipped and fell resulting in him loosing his ear
A colleague then came over to him whilst in the ambulance and said sorry to hear what happened mate but i found your ear.
man: thats not my ear mine had a pencil behind it.


Do you want to hear my joke about the butter???


No you might spread it..

 


CPFC

Grandad: 'your dad always said one day del boy would make it to the top, but then again... he also said one day millwall would win the cup'.

x..my space..x
[Link]

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 06 Aug 08 12.06pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heardfrom a distant corner..
'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View Big Col's Profile Big Col Flag Norwich 06 Aug 08 12.41pm Send a Private Message to Big Col Add Big Col as a friend

Did you hear the one about the guy who was addicted to drinking brake fluid!

He didn't think it was a problem though because he said he could stop at any time.

 


PS4 Gamer tag is Jabba1967
XBOX Gamer tag is Diddy67Eagle

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View Fishkovski's Profile Fishkovski Flag Tatsfield 06 Aug 08 12.49pm Send a Private Message to Fishkovski Add Fishkovski as a friend

Knock knock, whose there
Europe
Europe who?
No you're a poo

 


Government is an illusion that the governed should not encourage!

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 08 Aug 08 12.42pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doctor, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."

"How's that?"

"Don't you start."

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 08 Aug 08 3.45pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.
During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was
masturbating furiously.

'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he
doing that?'

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very
sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious
condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he
doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain
and his testicles could easily rupture.'

Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient
laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: 'Same illness, better health plan'

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View Cookie The Eagle's Profile Cookie The Eagle Flag Norfolk in Chance 10 Aug 08 10.05pm Send a Private Message to Cookie The Eagle Add Cookie The Eagle as a friend

What do you call a female bear that shaves her pubic hair?

Grizzly Bear


What do you call a bear with a long green n*b?

Cucum-bear


What do you call a bear that smells of cheese?

Camem-bear

 


Twitter:

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 15 Aug 08 3.34pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Did you hear about the line of Elvis Presley-themed restaurants which only serve one type of steak?

They're only for people who love meat tender.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 15 Aug 08 3.40pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

How do you make a cigarette lighter?

Take out all the tobacco.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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