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September 21 2023 7.40pm

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 25 Sep 08 12.19pm

Why do you recite at a play, and play at a recital ?

 


Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening


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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 07 Oct 08 10.29pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

Did you hear about the guy that though Man united was a subdivision of the gay pride movement ?

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View raleigh eagle's Profile raleigh eagle Flag raleigh nc 08 Oct 08 2.59am Send a Private Message to raleigh eagle Add raleigh eagle as a friend

What do you call a female clown?
a clunt

 

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View eagles911's Profile eagles911 Flag 08 Oct 08 6.54am Send a Private Message to eagles911 Add eagles911 as a friend

2 Gays Rupert & Cecil are lying in bed together when Rupert starts rubbing vaseline into his chest, Cecil said what are you doing? Rupert said i read in a gay magazine that vaseline stimulates hair growth and i want a hairy chest. Cecil said don`t be so fcuking stupid if that was true i`d have a ponytail sticking out my a**e

 

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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 08 Oct 08 10.39pm

Very good everyone. Jake, once again, way too clever for this thread!

But I love 'em!

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View Beckenhameagle's Profile Beckenhameagle Flag 'nham 10 Oct 08 9.14am Send a Private Message to Beckenhameagle Add Beckenhameagle as a friend

Why does Nigel Benn not own a playstation?

Because he's an ex-boxer

 


As Danny Butterfield wheeled away, arms aloft in celebration of his third goal an expression of delight and astonishment on his face a man seated beside me in the stands turned to his young son and told him that he would remember this moment for the rest of his life. I will too.

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View Penge Eagle's Profile Penge Eagle Flag Beckenham 10 Oct 08 12.56pm Send a Private Message to Penge Eagle Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add Penge Eagle as a friend

A vicar checks into a hotel and says to the receptionist, 'I do hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled?'.

The receptionist replies, 'No, it's just the normal stuff, you sick b@stard'

 

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 16 Oct 08 10.29pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.''Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close
the door.Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, I will personally eat the remainder.'
I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a F*cking good appetite,
because they cut off my electricity this morning.

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag 17 Oct 08 8.14pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

Three women:

one engaged one married and one a mistress

are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.


When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

 

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag 17 Oct 08 8.32pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
'How many children?' asks the council worker.
'10' replies the Essex girl.
'10?' says the council worker. 'What are their names?'
'Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne.'
'Doesn't that get confusing?'
'Na ah...' says the Essex girl 'its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it...'
'What if you want to speak to one individually?' says the perturbed council worker.
'That's easy,' says the Essex girl... 'I just use their surnames.'



An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.
'I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress.' she says.
'Come again?' says the clerk, cupping his ear.
'No' she replies. 'it's mayonnaise.'


Essex Girl enters a s*x shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says 'Choose from our range on the wall.'
Sh e says 'I'll take the red one.'
The man replies 'That's a fire extinguisher.'


An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: 'It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?'
Girl: 'OK'
Medic: 'What's your name?'
Girl: ' Sharon .'
Medic: 'OK Sharon , is this your car?'
Sharon : 'Yes.'
Medic: 'Where are you bleeding from?'
Sharon : 'Romford, mate.'


An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, 'Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!'
'It's not just one car!' said the Essex girl, 'There's f***ing hundreds of them!'


Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the ground.
Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.'
Sharon : 'Ok.'
Medic: 'How many fingers am I putting up?'
Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!'


An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says,
'Scuse me mate, I ain't being funny or nuffink, but why duz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?'
The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
'Well, I'm a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me right foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot'
'Cor blimey', exclaims the Essex girl, 'So that's why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them!'

 

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View Super Vic's Profile Super Vic Flag crawley 29 Oct 08 7.13pm Send a Private Message to Super Vic Add Super Vic as a friend

Way did the heghog cross the road!
to see his flatmate.

 

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 30 Oct 08 10.34am Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," Murphy says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!".

"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs,

"Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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