I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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Palace Old Geezer Midhurst 05 Feb 21 12.41pm
Apparently, according to a recent survey (this is not a joke by the way), 20% of Millennials have no idea what a Knock, Knock joke is. What's the world coming to eh? Anyway, for those of you who still get them: Knock, knock. Who's there? Cash Cash who? No thanks, I'm allergic to nuts. Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

Palace Old Geezer

Midhurst 05 Feb 21 12.41pm

Apparently, according to a recent survey (this is not a joke by the way), 20% of Millennials have no idea what a Knock, Knock joke is. What's the world coming to eh?
Anyway, for those of you who still get them:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thanks, I'm allergic to nuts.

Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

BudgiesBeak London 10 Mar 21 2.50pm
A man goes to his doctor and says “every time I get an erection it looks just like a space rocket.” Dr says “I’d better perform an examination, please get it out”. The man gets it out and the doctor prods it. Before long, up it comes. Dr says “that’s completely amazing, I’ve never seen one like that before. You’re right, it’s just like a space rocket. What does your wife think?” “Oh, she’s over the moon!”

BudgiesBeak

London 10 Mar 21 2.50pm

A man goes to his doctor and says “every time I get an erection it looks just like a space rocket.”
Dr says “I’d better perform an examination, please get it out”.
The man gets it out and the doctor prods it. Before long, up it comes. Dr says “that’s completely amazing, I’ve never seen one like that before. You’re right, it’s just like a space rocket. What does your wife think?”
“Oh, she’s over the moon!”

doi209 Fighting for the weak and innocent... 10 Mar 21 3.13pm
Someone keeps going through my bins and stealing my apple cores. Must be a stalker.

doi209

Fighting for the weak and innocent... 10 Mar 21 3.13pm

Someone keeps going through my bins and stealing my apple cores. Must be a stalker.

BlueJay UK 12 Mar 21 11.03am
One I recently heard - I took this Liverpool girl out to a vegetarian restaurant I said, “Do you like avocado?” She said, “No, I aven’t even passed me driving test yet”

BlueJay

UK 12 Mar 21 11.03am

One I recently heard -

I took this Liverpool girl out to a vegetarian restaurant

I said, “Do you like avocado?”

She said, “No, I aven’t even passed me driving test yet”

Palace Old Geezer Midhurst 12 Mar 21 12.01pm
Following the famous interview, here's an amusing offering from an American comedian:- Imagine, after centuries of in-breeding all of a sudden the Royal Family are concerned about the colour of a baby's skin.....Prince Charles has the ears of a basset hound and they're worried about the skin. Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

Palace Old Geezer

Midhurst 12 Mar 21 12.01pm

Following the famous interview, here's an amusing offering from an American comedian:-

Imagine, after centuries of in-breeding all of a sudden the Royal Family are concerned about the colour of a baby's skin.....Prince Charles has the ears of a basset hound and they're worried about the skin.

Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

Zimeagle Harare 30 Mar 21 12.23pm
The man who invented predictive text has sadly passed away. May he rust in piss.

Zimeagle

Harare 30 Mar 21 12.23pm

The man who invented predictive text has sadly passed away.

May he rust in piss.

Badger11 Beckenham 12 Apr 21 12.32pm
What's got 200 feet and only 16 teeth? The queue outside Primark. One more point

Badger11

Beckenham 12 Apr 21 12.32pm

What's got 200 feet and only 16 teeth?

The queue outside Primark.

One more point

CrazyBadger Ware 13 Apr 21 9.59am
Shops have been busy today, I tried to visit a snooker accessories shop.. there were cues everywhere. Apparently my mayonnaise is trying to kill me, or so my sauces tell me. I've just finished building a load of model castles. Now I'm just alone with my forts. Bad Puns. That's how eye roll. "It was a Team effort, I guess it took all players working together to lose this one"

CrazyBadger

Ware 13 Apr 21 9.59am

Shops have been busy today, I tried to visit a snooker accessories shop.. there were cues everywhere.

Apparently my mayonnaise is trying to kill me, or so my sauces tell me.

I've just finished building a load of model castles. Now I'm just alone with my forts.

Bad Puns. That's how eye roll.

"It was a Team effort, I guess it took all players working together to lose this one"

doi209 Fighting for the weak and innocent... 13 Apr 21 10.06am
A Vicar, priest and rabbit go to hospital for blood tests. When asked, the rabbit said he was type o.

doi209

Fighting for the weak and innocent... 13 Apr 21 10.06am

A Vicar, priest and rabbit go to hospital for blood tests.
When asked, the rabbit said he was type o.

HeathMan Purley 22 Apr 21 11.59am
What is a cat's favourite colour? Purr ple.

HeathMan

Purley 22 Apr 21 11.59am

What is a cat's favourite colour?

Purr ple.

HeathMan Purley 23 Apr 21 12.35am
What do you call a chicken wearing a shellsuit? An egg.

HeathMan

Purley 23 Apr 21 12.35am

What do you call a chicken wearing a shellsuit?

An egg.

Rogers the legend Auckland 26 Apr 21 7.36am
I had a dog once called Minton. He eat all my shuttlecocks Bad Minton! It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. Archie Griffen Hating Brighton since 1974

Rogers the legend

Auckland 26 Apr 21 7.36am

I had a dog once called Minton.

He eat all my shuttlecocks

Bad Minton!

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

Zimeagle Harare 26 May 21 11.48am
All true facts: 1. In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb". 2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen only'.... Ladies forbidden'.... and thus the word 'Golf' entered the English language. 3. Each king in a deck of cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs - Alexander the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar. 4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase 'Goodnight, sleep tight'. 5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. 6. Since 1962, Spurs fans have said they are going to win the league at the start of every football season, hence the phrase ' deluded t***'.

Zimeagle

Harare 26 May 21 11.48am

All true facts:

1. In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.

Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen only'.... Ladies forbidden'.... and thus the word 'Golf' entered the English language.

3. Each king in a deck of cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase 'Goodnight, sleep tight'.

5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

6. Since 1962, Spurs fans have said they are going to win the league at the start of every football season, hence the phrase ' deluded t***'.

BlueJay UK 26 May 21 12.13pm
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there; he said he couldn't complain.

BlueJay

UK 26 May 21 12.13pm

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there; he said he couldn't complain.

BlueJay UK 26 May 21 12.16pm
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

BlueJay

UK 26 May 21 12.16pm

I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

BlueJay UK 26 May 21 12.17pm
There are 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench-coat walks by and flashes them. 2 of the old ladies have a stroke. The other one couldn't reach that far.

BlueJay

UK 26 May 21 12.17pm

There are 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench.

A man in a trench-coat walks by and flashes them.

2 of the old ladies have a stroke.

The other one couldn't reach that far.

BudgiesBeak London 04 Jun 21 10.27am
My feet were sore, so I went to the doctor. The doctor looked at them and said "Gout". So I said "Why? I've only just got here!"

BudgiesBeak

London 04 Jun 21 10.27am

My feet were sore, so I went to the doctor.
The doctor looked at them and said "Gout".
So I said "Why? I've only just got here!"

Palace Old Geezer Midhurst 04 Jun 21 10.43am
Why did the Cantaloupe jump in the lake? Wanted to be a Water Melon. Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

Palace Old Geezer

Midhurst 04 Jun 21 10.43am

Why did the Cantaloupe jump in the lake?
Wanted to be a Water Melon.

Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

Spiderman Horsham 04 Jun 21 10.45am
Originally posted by Palace Old Geezer Why did the Cantaloupe jump in the lake? Wanted to be a Water Melon. Still at least you can get out more now POG

Spiderman

Horsham 04 Jun 21 10.45am

Originally posted by Palace Old Geezer

Why did the Cantaloupe jump in the lake?
Wanted to be a Water Melon.

Still at least you can get out more now POG

Palace Old Geezer Midhurst 04 Jun 21 10.52am
Originally posted by Spiderman Still at least you can get out more now POG Not yet Spider, it's still raining. In the words of Thomas Crown - "What else is there to do etc etc". Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

Palace Old Geezer

Midhurst 04 Jun 21 10.52am

Originally posted by Spiderman

Still at least you can get out more now POG

Not yet Spider, it's still raining. In the words of Thomas Crown - "What else is there to do etc etc".

Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

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I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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