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September 21 2023 7.59pm

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 08 Jul 08 12.15pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

> > Guido the Italian Lover
> >>
> >> A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at
> >> his
> >> favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young
> >> blonde woman.
> >>
> >> Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
> >> apartment
> >> and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he
> rattled
> >> her senseless.
> >>
> >> After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, 'So, you finish?'
> >>
> >> She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'
> >>
> >> Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
> >>
> >> This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of
> >> passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, 'You
>
> >> finish?'
> >>
> >> Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to
> >> him
> >> and softly says, 'No.'
> >>
> >> Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied,
> >> Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his
> >> strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming,
> >> bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
> >>
> >> Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn
> >> his
> >> head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
> >> 'You finish?'
> >>
> >> Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, 'No,
> >> I'm Norwegian.'
> >>
> >>

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag 16 Jul 08 4.09pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

I went Into a public toilet the other day to have a number two,well I just sat on the throne and I had this spooky feeling that I'd been there before...........I think it was a touch of de-ja-poo

 

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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 16 Jul 08 8.17pm

Quote monkey at 16 Jul 2008 4:09pm

I went Into a public toilet the other day to have a number two,well I just sat on the throne and I had this spooky feeling that I'd been there before...........I think it was a touch of de-ja-poo


Nice one Monkster!You and eagleye are way too good for this thread.

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 17 Jul 08 10.58am Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

A blonde gets home early from shopping, and hears strange noises, coming
from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs, to find her husband naked on the
bed,sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks.'I'm having a heart
attack,' cries the husband.The blonde rushes downstairs, to grab the phone,
butjust as she is dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,'Mommy!
Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding, in your closet, and she has got, no clothes
on!' The blonde slams the phone down, and storms upstairs, into the
bedroom. Right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure
enough, there is her sister, totally naked, and coweringon the closet
floor.'You rotten 'Bitch', the blonde screams. 'My husband is having a
heart attack, and you are running around naked, scaring my kids!?'

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag 18 Jul 08 2.13pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

I've got this mate who's an Owl,last week he told me he was getting married,I couldn't believe it,I said-"you twit,to who?"

 

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View eagleeye's Profile eagleeye Flag The dark side 21 Jul 08 1.32pm Send a Private Message to eagleeye Add eagleeye as a friend

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, 'I couldn't help but notice' he said, 'that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you,' she replied. 'I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'

The woman nodded, ' Pepper.'

 


Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!

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View Palace Geezer's Profile Palace Geezer Flag Empire Made 21 Jul 08 4.50pm Send a Private Message to Palace Geezer Add Palace Geezer as a friend

WIFE FROM HELL
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and saysthrough clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


'Only when he's been drinking.'

 


Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 24 Jul 08 8.50am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View neagle's Profile neagle Flag Ingleby Barwick 24 Jul 08 9.38am Send a Private Message to neagle Add neagle as a friend

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad minton!

 

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View Jonathan's Profile Jonathan Flag West Hampstead 24 Jul 08 2.22pm Send a Private Message to Jonathan Add Jonathan as a friend

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug!

 


19/12/06
i was there.

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag 24 Jul 08 4.01pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

Quote Johnny Eagles at 24 Jul 2008 8:50am

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'


 

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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 25 Jul 08 4.39pm

I bought a 'bedroom secrets' book the other day called 'How to Hug'

Turns out it was Volume 12 of the Oxford Dictionary!

 


Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening


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