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May 28 2022 9.26am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 24 Jun 13 7.02am Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

My next door neighbour knocked on my door wearing just a see through negligee, asked to borrow a cup of sugar and then asked to come in for a cup of coffee.

I said "f*** off Dave, I've got to go to work."

 


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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 26 Jun 13 2.15pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend


A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
ting on my mind at the moment

 


God looked down and said "things are bad,I need to give the world an enema,..now where exactly is Liverpool ? "

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View eagle52's Profile eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 30 Jun 13 11.17am Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

I met a girl at a party last night-I said "You remind me of my little toe!"-She said, "Small and petite?" "No" I said,"I'll probably bang you later on the table when I'm p*ssed."

 

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 01 Jul 13 2.42pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they
wanted the name of a country?

 


God looked down and said "things are bad,I need to give the world an enema,..now where exactly is Liverpool ? "

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View eagle52's Profile eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 07 Jul 13 8.54am Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

Marvin Gaye once asked me how I managed to get my cattle from a field from one side of the vineyard to the other.
"I herd them through the grapevines" I replied.

 

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View madmel73's Profile madmel73 Flag Croydon 09 Jul 13 4.03pm Send a Private Message to madmel73 Add madmel73 as a friend

A Belgian Kiss is like a French Kiss...but with more phlegm!!
More on this theme...?

 

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 10 Jul 13 9.36pm Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

An Australian kiss is like a French kiss but its down under (¡)

 


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View doi209's Profile doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 16 Jul 13 8.46pm Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend

A man went to get the results of his illness from the doctor..

"I'm afraid you have Yellow 42 - a disease so rare it doesn't have a proper name. Bad news is..you only have six months to live..."

The man goes home and tells his wife. After the crying, she vows to spend more time together for the final few months together - starting tonight at the bingo hall.

So the go down to Gala Bingo. In the entrance hall he puts a pound in the slot machine..and wins £200.

He plays bingo and wins every line, corner and full house.

He plays the national link and wins £20000.

Upon receiving the money the MC says "you must be the luckiest man alive. You win £200, all the bingo and £20k national."

The man says "I have Yellow 42"

"Bugger me" says the MC, "you've won the raffle as well".

 

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View saveloy's Profile saveloy Flag carmarthen 19 Jul 13 12.45pm Send a Private Message to saveloy Add saveloy as a friend

Quote Johnny Eagles at 18 Jul 2013 4.01pm

What's pink, 12 inches long and will make a woman moan all night long?

Cot death.

Hope this never happens to you prick.

 

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View palace777's Profile palace777 Flag belfast 19 Jul 13 12.50pm Send a Private Message to palace777 Add palace777 as a friend

Quote Johnny Eagles at 18 Jul 2013 4.01pm

What's pink, 12 inches long and will make a woman moan all night long?

Cot death.


well out of order!

 

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View doi209's Profile doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 19 Jul 13 11.37pm Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend


You've got it you sad, sad very sad person

 

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 20 Jul 13 6.01pm Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

A family are driving behind a dust bin lorry when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

 


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