Classic, I wanna come out on the piss with you two!!

So I was having a casual relationship with a Greek girl who was very fit but also pretty high maintenance, so I ended it. One night however I ended up back at her place, and her flatmate (also Greek), who I had had a similar scene with some years before, said I could sleep in her bed, and the two of them would share the bed in the other room. Fine. Then really early the next morning I get up still half asleep to go to the toilet, and when I come back to bed there is someone in it. I naturally assumed it was the girl whose bed it was (the one I'd been with years before, and actually still quite fancied), and sure enough, before I have even properly woken up we start shagging. Imagine my shock when after we have finished I realise that it wasn't who I thought it was, it was the other one I had promised myself I wasn't going to get involved with any more.

Ok not soooo much of a failure you might say, but at least a failure to identify the person you are having sex with! Weird feeling!

whilst at a house party when i was 15, i managed to blag to a seriously fit 18 year old that i was also 18. By reeling off my older brother's educational program and place of study, she took my word for it. Being surrounded by about 20 of my mates who were all also 15, i thought i'd casually suggest we get out out of there. She drops in that a few of her mates are in a pub up the road, would i like to escort her there?

So off we go, casually mosying up to the pub, stopping for the odd snog and the like when from across the road, two of my school mates shout out in their semi-broken tones "alright Matt?" i ignore them and try to move on, she asks "who are they?"... "oh, they're just some of my younger (made up) brother's friends, let's keep going".
Just as we're about to get to the pub, she decides to tell me that i can't go in with her and after asking why, it turns out that she's already seeing two guys who are in there. My suggestion for her to go for hat-trick didn't go down well. But she took my number and said she'd call me maybe. This is where i should have quit whilst ahead.

Admitting defeat i let her go into the pub, go across the road to see the mates that i ignored and wait for a bus home. After sitting there and getting "s***, she was fit" type pats on the back, i decide i really need a piss. Being 15 and pissed, my brain decided it would be a good idea to go in the pub, casually swan past her table with the two cocks on, say hi, and go to the loo.

Now i'd never been to this pub before so in i go... casually walk past her and her mates (including some biiiig dudes) drop a casual "alright?" and walk round the bar. No sign of the gents round there so back i go, past her table again, and to her horror, drop another "Alright?"... sadly i was too focussed on making eye contact with her to notice a smal stool in my path... which i duely fell over- right over!

Getting up, dusting myself down i turned to see the barman giving me the expected "you better be leaving soon" eyeball. "sorry mate where's yer loo?" was greeted with a vague point to the other end of the bar, to which i headed. I staggered to the door which i believed to be the gents, glad of the awaiting solitude, only to open it and discover the f***ing fuse cupboard!

Turning round bemused, i discovered the actual toilet door... in i went, did my business, came out to ironic cheering to which i shouted "go f*** yourselves" and swiftly legged it.

she still hasn't called.

Dunno Jim, I've tried my best lines and they're just not working. At times like this a man can only do one thing - rediscover the thrill of accumulating an illicit and huge porno collection.