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June 25 2024 12.51pm

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View braunstoneagle's Profile braunstoneagle Flag the middle of bumf*** nowhere... 15 Dec 08 4.19pm Send a Private Message to braunstoneagle Add braunstoneagle as a friend

but decided to go one worse with this!!!!


I was disgusted when I saw Asda selling tins of baby peas...

Surely it's a bit too soon.

 


‘Football isn’t instant coffee. You have to work at it. You must grow the bean, grind it.’ Ian Holloway


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miles18 Flag Telford 15 Dec 08 6.10pm

The jokes on here about baby p are disgusting!

 



.

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View eryr's Profile eryr Flag Caerphillydelphia 16 Dec 08 12.24pm Send a Private Message to eryr Add eryr as a friend

Quote miles18 at 15 Dec 2008 6:10pm

The jokes on here about baby p are disgusting!


Don't get it

 


Dulce et decorum est pro Palace mori

"Gee, you and I oughtta get on swell Mister Burton, as we're both Selts".
"No, I am a Selt. You are a Sunt."

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright

[Link]

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View teejay61's Profile teejay61 Flag The Cup of Sid 18 Dec 08 10.30am Send a Private Message to teejay61 Add teejay61 as a friend

As the festive season is upon us, please remember that a Doggie is not just for Xmas..........it's a great position all year round

 


Supporting the mighty CPFC since September 1971

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Uncle Focker Flag 18 Dec 08 3.59pm

I've been emailing/texting a 14 year old girl.

She has just told me that she is an undercover copper!

How impressive is that...she's only 14!

 


Gone away

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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 Dec 08 3.18pm

I was at the airport and went up to the desk and asked for a KFC Bargain Bucket.

The girl said "No Sir, this is the Check-In desk."

 


Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening


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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 Dec 08 3.36pm

I went to see Swan Lake at Covent Garden last week, it all kicked off during the second half.

Last time I go to see the Bolshy Ballet.

 


Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening


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View The Dogs Dodas's Profile The Dogs Dodas Flag Land of The Gargle Blaster (Its ne... 29 Dec 08 5.03pm Send a Private Message to The Dogs Dodas Add The Dogs Dodas as a friend

....Think of Tommy Cooper when you read this ..........


This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.

------------------------
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?"

I said, "No, permanent."

-----------------------

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"

The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
-------------------

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

--------------------------

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU!
I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."
--------------------------------

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet.

'Best Before End'

---------------------------
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue."
I said "No, just a watch."

------------------------------

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle."

The bloke said "Kenwood"
I said, "Where is he then?"
--------------------------
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.

------------------------
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels."

He said, "You've got cholera."

---------------------------

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.

I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

----------------------------

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

----------------------------

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

---------------------------

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?

I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

---------------------

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

--------------------------
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre.
She said, "Are you having me on?"

I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."
----------------------------
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?"
He said, "I'm not stopping you!"
--------------------------------
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
--------------------------

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
-------------------------

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
------------------------
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar"
I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.


 


He had a photographic memory but it was never developed.

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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 29 Dec 08 10.46pm

Quote The Dogs Dodas at 29 Dec 2008 5:03pm

....Think of Tommy Cooper when you read this ..........


Not Tommy Cooper. Tim Vine.

 


Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening


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View ed_the_eagle8's Profile ed_the_eagle8 Flag Aldershot 01 Jan 09 7.45pm Send a Private Message to ed_the_eagle8 Add ed_the_eagle8 as a friend

My old man works at Tesco and he told me there was an emergency call to the aisle that sells Alphabetti Spaghetti. "What happened Dad" I said
"Nothing son, but it could of spelt disaster"

 

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 02 Jan 09 12.59pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I was in the jungle the other day and I saw a bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought, “he’s trying to pull a fast one.”

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 02 Jan 09 1.03pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I was in Tescos and I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “are you two an item?”

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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