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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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Mikeybaby Flag 30 May 12 9.30am Send a Private Message to Mikeybaby Add Mikeybaby as a friend

My missus asked for anal.

So I alphabetised her CD collection.

 

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Hoof Hearted 30 May 12 11.10am

Quote Kermit8 at 11 May 2012 12.17pm

Did you know all male tennis players are into voodoo?

Goran. Ivanesivic.


Blimey Kermy... that took me ages to decipher.

 

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becky Flag over the moon 30 May 12 9.47pm Send a Private Message to becky Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add becky as a friend

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first examination.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.

 


A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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jelholyoake Flag 07 Jun 12 9.52pm

I've come up with a talent show idea where you have to impersonate one of the Monty Python team.
I'm calling it 'Eric Idol'.

 


When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 07 Jun 12 10.36pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

My girlfriend went to the doctors today as she was feeling uncomfortable in her chest. After she put her blouse back on the doctor said "you have acute angina". She was a bit taken aback and felt she should respond in kind. "Thanks", she said, you aren't bad looking yourself"!!

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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Hoof Hearted 18 Jun 12 10.49am

If a pig loses it's voice is it disgruntled?

 

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jelholyoake Flag 24 Jun 12 11.15am

My wife said that our Chinese ar5ehole neighbour had gone back to Peking. I jumped on the chance to correct her, "I think it's called Beijing, now" "All right smart ar5e...." she snapped, "...The Chinese ar5ehole neighbour has gone back to BEIJING through the window at me when I'm getting undressed"

 


When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

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jelholyoake Flag 24 Jun 12 12.00pm

I said to my girlfriend "Please get me a newspaper."
"Don't be silly," she replied "you can borrow my iPad."
That spider never knew what fcuking hit it!

 


When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

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jelholyoake Flag 26 Jun 12 7.51pm

The difference between the sexes: A woman sees a skidmark in the toilet bowl and thinks "I'll get my marigolds on and scrub that off with the new cinnamon & apple blossom scented Harpic."
A guy sees the skidmark and thinks "Bet I can piss that off"

 


When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

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nickgusset Flag Shizzlehurst 26 Jun 12 8.10pm

I bought some new aftershave called 'breadcrumbs'
I can't keep the birds away from me now.

 

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Only 10 a year!! Flag 28 Jun 12 10.24pm Send a Private Message to Only 10 a year!! Add Only 10 a year!! as a friend

Quote Hoof Hearted at 30 May 2012 11.10am

Quote Kermit8 at 11 May 2012 12.17pm

Did you know all male tennis players are into voodoo?

Goran. Ivanesivic.


Blimey Kermy... that took me ages to decipher.


Makes you wonder why you would spend time re-writing a Tim Vine joke in the first place.

 

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doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 28 Jun 12 10.30pm Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend

Whats the boiling point of water ?

To make a cup of tea.


 

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