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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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nutty john cpfc Flag bridport dorset 13 Jul 12 6.35pm

my dog got no nose how does he smell bloody awfull

 


off to my mums funeral today keen palace fan sadly missed

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Hoof Hearted 15 Jul 12 10.43am

50 Shades Of Brown - the new blockbuster novel doing the rounds in Brighton!

 

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eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 17 Jul 12 3.02pm Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

Sky would like to apologise to all subscribers for wrongly advertising that they could watch Rangers in 3D........They meant they could watch Rangers in D3!!

 

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eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 17 Jul 12 3.03pm Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

Bear found not guilty of sh*tting in the woods after hiring John Terry's lawyer.

 

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Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 27 Jul 12 2.59pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right.
We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 27 Jul 12 3.00pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently " A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call No 69

 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 29 Jul 12 6.52pm Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

I was carrying an industrial roll of bubble wrap at work today.I asked my boss what to do with it,he said just pop it in the corner..............Took me f**king ages.

 

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eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 29 Jul 12 6.57pm Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

Olympics:Tuned in to watch the 80kg snatch.Disappointed to find out it's a weightlifting event.

 

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Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 01 Aug 12 9.13am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin ?" Paddy says "No I tink it's beef"

Paddy's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper". He does but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper" his wife asks. "Here Boy" he replies.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they've lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday , so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this , I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself , "She's going through the change."

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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miles18 Flag Telford 02 Aug 12 7.37am

REMEMBER:-

If you are in bed with a blind girl and she says, "I have never had my hands on a cock as big as yours"

She is probably pulling your leg.

Edited by miles18 (02 Aug 2012 7.38am)

 



.

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miles18 Flag Telford 02 Aug 12 7.40am

"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I would never visit another Thai brothel!!!

 



.

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eagle52 Flag Shirley,Croydon 04 Aug 12 4.27pm Send a Private Message to eagle52 Add eagle52 as a friend

The sailing results are in.GB have taken gold,USA have taken silver and the Somali team have taken a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

 

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