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August 13 2020 8.42am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 08 Aug 12 9.42am Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

Amazing how the Chinese swimmers have improved since

Morecambe Bay 2004

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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View simontbc's Profile simontbc Flag Bristol 10 Aug 12 12.29pm Send a Private Message to simontbc Add simontbc as a friend

Two TV aerials meet, fall in love, and get married.

The ceremony was awful but the reception was amazing...

 

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View Bin Liner's Profile Bin Liner Flag London , Southfields 10 Aug 12 12.39pm Send a Private Message to Bin Liner Add Bin Liner as a friend

got a sickie about 50 Shades, can I post it?

 


Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound

Boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly

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View Dulwichsteve's Profile Dulwichsteve Flag (Another Girl) Another Planet 10 Aug 12 12.51pm Send a Private Message to Dulwichsteve Add Dulwichsteve as a friend

Bit unfair of the Chinese to make one man do all those sports at the olympics

 


I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell
When I'm on the prowl you'd better run like hell

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View Horley Eagle's Profile Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 10 Aug 12 3.57pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

Quote Bin Liner at 10 Aug 2012 12.39pm

got a sickie about 50 Shades, can I post it?

Go on I dare ya.....


 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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miles18 Flag Telford 10 Aug 12 4.26pm

Quote Bin Liner at 10 Aug 2012 12.39pm

got a sickie about 50 Shades, can I post it?


Yes!!

 



.

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Hoof Hearted 12 Aug 12 10.53am

It's my scouse nephew's birthday this week, so as a surprise treat I'm putting a tenner in his nan's purse.

 

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Hoof Hearted 13 Aug 12 11.02am

What website do Scousers look at first when contemplating getting their kids a trampoline?

Google Maps.

 

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jelholyoake Flag 16 Aug 12 10.18am

I've heard the BBC are making a new series of Upstairs, Downstairs.
Starring Stuart Hazell and Joseph Fritzl.

 


When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

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Catfish Flag Burgess Hill 16 Aug 12 9.04pm

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.

He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said,

"Perfect timing. You're just like Brian."


Passenger: "Who?"


Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian, every single time."


Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."


Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the Pro's. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."


Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."


Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian..."


Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"


Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f***ing widow."

 


Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 17 Aug 12 11.46am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

A little know fact about Manchester United's Danny Wellbeck. His father is a bomb disposal expert called Stan.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 17 Aug 12 11.59am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I pulled a redhead last night.

I should really see a doctor about this thrush before my next w*nk.

Edited by Johnny Eagles (17 Aug 2012 11.59am)

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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