I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)
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miles18  Telford 28 Dec 12 9.25am |
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me: Hey Mike, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you have to answer either 'leave it', or 'take it' Mike: Ok. Me: You find £100,000 in a bag on the floor. Mike: Leave it Me: Good answer, next one. Someone comes up to you and hands you the keys to a Ferrari and says 'It's yours', do you leave it or take it? Mike: Mmm...Take it! Me: Last question. There's a dick in your ass, do you leave it or take it? Mike: LEAV- I mean Ta- ...f*** you!
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 lanzarote ron East Grinstead 14 Jan 13 9.19pm |
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Some tosser has just written 'RETARD' in the snow on my windscreen. It's taken me ages to lick it off
When you're dead you don't know you're dead. It is difficult only for the others. It's the same when you're stupid. |
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Deleagle  "Bubba's bar 'n' grill" 14 Jan 13 10.31pm |
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Ive been in my attic and found a copy of a 1974 Radio Times, or the sex register as it is now called.
What can this strange device be?
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| rednblueblood 17 Jan 13 12.04pm |
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As a child i was taken to church on a regular basis,i could not bear all the standing up,sitting down,kneeling.I wish the priest would just pick a position to f*** me in!
In dog beers I’ve only had one. |
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| Mikeybaby 18 Jan 13 10.13am |
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I was sat on the bus behind a woman this morning and I tapped her on the shoulder and told her that she appeared to have some semen on the back of her coat. Obviously she was a little embarrassed and she said it
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Cannonball  High in the Ozarks. 23 Jan 13 12.42am |
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I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you. |
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| Hoof Hearted 23 Jan 13 11.44am | |
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I'm going out with a dental nurse called Jean. She loves giving blowjobs and doing drugs. She is known as Oral High Jean.
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| Bin Liner London , Southfields 25 Jan 13 1.07pm |
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Police have warned parents to be extra vigilant after 2 suspicious men have been seen around schools during this week clearing the snow that fallen around the UK, they are thought to be known as Jimmy Shovel and Gary Gritter Edited by Bin Liner (25 Jan 2013 1.12pm)
Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound Boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly |
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| Cannonball High in the Ozarks. 30 Jan 13 1.57am |
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A few cr*p one-liners :- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time PMS jokes aren't funny; period. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. Velcro — what a rip off! This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you. |
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| Superfly The sun always shines in Catford 31 Jan 13 5.31pm |
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This only really works verbally, but I'll put it here & you can try it out
DW Friend: Witherspoon? You: No, with a knife You - look smug
Lend me a Tenor 31 May to 3 June 2017 John McIntosh Arts Centre with Superfly in the chorus |
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| Hoof Hearted 01 Feb 13 11.05am | |
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Quote Cannonball at 30 Jan 2013 1.57am
A few cr*p one-liners :- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time PMS jokes aren't funny; period. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. Velcro — what a rip off! This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. Classic Tim Vine material!
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SloveniaDave  Tirana, Albania 05 Feb 13 9.03pm |
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A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand! My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Member of the School of Optimism 1969-2016 inclusive) |
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