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May 28 2022 12.46pm

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 04 Jun 21 10.27am Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

My feet were sore, so I went to the doctor.
The doctor looked at them and said "Gout".
So I said "Why? I've only just got here!"

 

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View Palace Old Geezer's Profile Palace Old Geezer Flag Midhurst 04 Jun 21 10.43am Send a Private Message to Palace Old Geezer Add Palace Old Geezer as a friend

Why did the Cantaloupe jump in the lake?
Wanted to be a Water Melon.

 


Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

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View Spiderman's Profile Spiderman Flag Horsham 04 Jun 21 10.45am Send a Private Message to Spiderman Add Spiderman as a friend

Originally posted by Palace Old Geezer

Why did the Cantaloupe jump in the lake?
Wanted to be a Water Melon.

Still at least you can get out more now POG

 

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View Palace Old Geezer's Profile Palace Old Geezer Flag Midhurst 04 Jun 21 10.52am Send a Private Message to Palace Old Geezer Add Palace Old Geezer as a friend

Originally posted by Spiderman

Still at least you can get out more now POG

Not yet Spider, it's still raining. In the words of Thomas Crown - "What else is there to do etc etc".

 


Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

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View Pierre's Profile Pierre Flag Purley 15 Jun 21 5.18pm Send a Private Message to Pierre Add Pierre as a friend

Christian Eriksen has been told by doctors that he cannot play football at the highest level anymore.
However a move back to Spurs is a strong possibility.

 

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View Badger11's Profile Badger11 Flag Beckenham 19 Jun 21 11.56am Send a Private Message to Badger11 Add Badger11 as a friend

This made me laugh poor Sir Keir

[Link]

 


One more point

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View BlueJay's Profile BlueJay Flag UK 27 Jun 21 9.13am Send a Private Message to BlueJay Add BlueJay as a friend

A blind man was robbed by a vegan woman and when he was asked for a description of the culprit he couldn't because he'd never herbivore.

 

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View BlueJay's Profile BlueJay Flag UK 27 Jun 21 9.13am Send a Private Message to BlueJay Add BlueJay as a friend

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

 

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View BlueJay's Profile BlueJay Flag UK 27 Jun 21 9.20am Send a Private Message to BlueJay Add BlueJay as a friend

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's ever been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

 

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag Sittingbourne,Kent 10 Sep 21 3.03pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,

"I'm too old for this nonsense !"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,

"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-

"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying,

" Have a good day, Sir "...

 

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag Sittingbourne,Kent 10 Sep 21 6.13pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

I used to work in a Russian napkin factory...

I was in the serviette union...

 

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View Zimeagle's Profile Zimeagle Flag Harare 11 Sep 21 2.46pm Send a Private Message to Zimeagle Add Zimeagle as a friend

Teacher to class. "What does your dad do at the weekend"?

Little boy. " He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes, if the money's right, he lets punters kiss his bum and tickle his nipples".

Teacher takes him outside, " is that true "?

Little boy. " No Miss, it's bo@#ocks. he goes to watch Arsenal but I'm too embarrassed to say".

 

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