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June 21 2021 1.33am

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View Palace Old Geezer's Profile Palace Old Geezer Flag Midhurst 12 Mar 21 12.01pm Send a Private Message to Palace Old Geezer Add Palace Old Geezer as a friend

Following the famous interview, here's an amusing offering from an American comedian:-

Imagine, after centuries of in-breeding all of a sudden the Royal Family are concerned about the colour of a baby's skin.....Prince Charles has the ears of a basset hound and they're worried about the skin.

 


Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.

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View Zimeagle's Profile Zimeagle Flag Harare 30 Mar 21 12.23pm Send a Private Message to Zimeagle Add Zimeagle as a friend

The man who invented predictive text has sadly passed away.

May he rust in piss.

 

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View Badger11's Profile Badger11 Flag Beckenham 12 Apr 21 12.32pm Send a Private Message to Badger11 Add Badger11 as a friend

What's got 200 feet and only 16 teeth?

The queue outside Primark.

 


One more point

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View CrazyBadger's Profile CrazyBadger Flag Ware 13 Apr 21 9.59am Send a Private Message to CrazyBadger Add CrazyBadger as a friend


Shops have been busy today, I tried to visit a snooker accessories shop.. there were cues everywhere.

Apparently my mayonnaise is trying to kill me, or so my sauces tell me.

I've just finished building a load of model castles. Now I'm just alone with my forts.

Bad Puns. That's how eye roll.

 

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View doi209's Profile doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 13 Apr 21 10.06am Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend

A Vicar, priest and rabbit go to hospital for blood tests.
When asked, the rabbit said he was type o.

 

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View HeathMan's Profile HeathMan Flag Purley 22 Apr 21 11.59am Send a Private Message to HeathMan Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add HeathMan as a friend

What is a cat's favourite colour?

Purr ple.

 

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View HeathMan's Profile HeathMan Flag Purley 23 Apr 21 12.35am Send a Private Message to HeathMan Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add HeathMan as a friend

What do you call a chicken wearing a shellsuit?

An egg.

 

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View Rogers the legend's Profile Rogers the legend Flag Auckland 26 Apr 21 7.36am Send a Private Message to Rogers the legend Add Rogers the legend as a friend

I had a dog once called Minton.

He eat all my shuttlecocks

Bad Minton!

 


It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

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View Zimeagle's Profile Zimeagle Flag Harare 26 May 21 11.48am Send a Private Message to Zimeagle Add Zimeagle as a friend

All true facts:

1. In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.

Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen only'.... Ladies forbidden'.... and thus the word 'Golf' entered the English language.

3. Each king in a deck of cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase 'Goodnight, sleep tight'.

5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

6. Since 1962, Spurs fans have said they are going to win the league at the start of every football season, hence the phrase ' deluded t***'.

 

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View BlueJay's Profile BlueJay Flag UK 26 May 21 12.13pm Send a Private Message to BlueJay Add BlueJay as a friend

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there; he said he couldn't complain.

 

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View BlueJay's Profile BlueJay Flag UK 26 May 21 12.16pm Send a Private Message to BlueJay Add BlueJay as a friend

I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

 

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View BlueJay's Profile BlueJay Flag UK 26 May 21 12.17pm Send a Private Message to BlueJay Add BlueJay as a friend

There are 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench.

A man in a trench-coat walks by and flashes them.

2 of the old ladies have a stroke.

The other one couldn't reach that far.

 

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