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May 20 2024 12.41am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Cpfcfly's Profile Cpfcfly Flag Horsham 17 Jun 09 4.45pm Send a Private Message to Cpfcfly Add Cpfcfly as a friend

Quote Don Rogers Tache at 16 Jun 2009 7:03pm

What do you get if you cross a big passenger plane with an accountant?
A boring 747.


Now thats funny!

 

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Kenny Lunt Flag Somewhere a whole lot better than ... 17 Jun 09 4.52pm

Are you aware that Irish pilots are able to fly their planes while blindfolded?

They're cunning, Aer Lingus.

 

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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 17 Jun 09 7.08pm

Quote Where E@gles D@re at 06 Apr 2009 2:03pm

Jeremy Irons Michael Flatley :-)


Similar to that....
The batsman is Holding,the bowler's Willey.

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View Mr Statto's Profile Mr Statto Flag Ifield 18 Jun 09 10.02am Send a Private Message to Mr Statto Add Mr Statto as a friend

Quote Don Rogers Tache at 17 Jun 2009 7:08pm

Quote Where E@gles D@re at 06 Apr 2009 2:03pm

Jeremy Irons Michael Flatley :-)


Similar to that....
The batsman is Holding,the bowler's Willey.


Wrong way round - it was "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"

 


That's just the ramblings of a madman

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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 Jun 09 2.44pm

I went to Dry Cleaners in Belin. It was called 'Ein, zwei ....'

 


Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening


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Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 29 Jun 09 10.39am

What wags its tail and goes mark mark?

A dog with a hair lip.

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View the despotic banana's Profile the despotic banana Flag Dept. of Baboon Maintenance 29 Jun 09 12.38pm Send a Private Message to the despotic banana Add the despotic banana as a friend

I was playing The Sims the other day and decided to create myself.

It's so annoying, I keep pissing myself, constantly need food, cry because I smell so bad and can't even make friends, let alone get a wife.

Probably because I spend too much time playing The Sims.

 


Ask me about Ronald de Boer.

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View Rogers the legend's Profile Rogers the legend Flag Auckland 17 Jul 09 6.22am Send a Private Message to Rogers the legend Add Rogers the legend as a friend

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And

The guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting

And played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left

The toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End.


 


It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

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View Bin Liner's Profile Bin Liner Flag London , Southfields 22 Jul 09 8.50pm Send a Private Message to Bin Liner Add Bin Liner as a friend

I woke up this morning to find my wife had left me, and she's taken all my Bob Marley records and the satellite dish, " No woman no Sky"

(received by sms forgive if AATOT)

 


Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound

Boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly

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View Gladys Allover's Profile Gladys Allover Flag SE England 24 Jul 09 11.41pm Send a Private Message to Gladys Allover Add Gladys Allover as a friend

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.

So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he kept up a stream of bakewell tarts. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue riband winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

 


Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

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View Gladys Allover's Profile Gladys Allover Flag SE England 24 Jul 09 11.46pm Send a Private Message to Gladys Allover Add Gladys Allover as a friend

"Doctor I have overdone the viagra and it won't go down."
"Meet me at East Croydon station 8:30am tomorrow"

They board the 8:45 to Portsmouth Harbour.

Just south of Purley - "Stand on the seat and stick it out of the window and the cold fresh air will soon see to that."

Coulsdon - "no change"
Redhill "no change"
Eventually at Havant "Bring it back in then"

"Sure but what shall I do with all these mailbags"

 


Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

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View Gladys Allover's Profile Gladys Allover Flag SE England 24 Jul 09 11.47pm Send a Private Message to Gladys Allover Add Gladys Allover as a friend

Rafa Benitez has this morning explained why he continues to play the rotation system. He says it’s the keep the burglars guessing, who’s at home or who’s in the team.

 


Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

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