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Who was the first composer to catch Corona virus?
“My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky." |
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In dog beers I’ve only had one. |
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Earlier today I told the missus that I was bored being stuck in the house all day because of the lockdown.
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"I wish I'd listened to the advice my old dad gave me when I was a boy."
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A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm. "Do you serve Brighton fans here?" he asks. "Certainly sir, no problem at all," replies the barman, nervously staring at the alligator.
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I went to the hairdressers the other day. I asked him to cut my hair like Tom Cruise, so he put a big cushion on the barber's chair.
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Me and the missus are in the iron and steel business. She does the ironing, I do the stealing.
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"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf."
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The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away today His wife is taking it really hard.
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Man walks into the kitchen and tells his wife to follow him into the living room. He walks in and sits down on the couch and puts his arm around a chicken. He then says "Honey, this is the pig I've been sleeping with". His wife says "You idiot, that's a chicken!". Man says "I wasn't talking to you!"
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BlueJay ![]() |
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I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
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BlueJay ![]() |
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat
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