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September 27 2020 4.59am

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View mr. apollo's Profile mr. apollo Flag Somewhere in Switzerland 19 Aug 19 8.39am Send a Private Message to mr. apollo Add mr. apollo as a friend

Funniest at the Fringe

Winner was
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

Followed by

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott

"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones

"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert

"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith

"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith

"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff

"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford

"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons

"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

 


Glad
All
Over

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deleted user Flag 20 Aug 19 6.04pm

Originally posted by mr. apollo


"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert

A bit Tim Vine that on.e So bad it's good!

 

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deleted user Flag 22 Aug 19 6.59pm

A man with authority walks into a bar. He orders everyone around.

 

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deleted user Flag 22 Aug 19 7.00pm

A ghost walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."

 

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deleted user Flag 22 Aug 19 7.00pm

A dyslexic walks into a bra

 

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View silvertop's Profile silvertop Flag bristol 02 Sep 19 9.21pm Send a Private Message to silvertop Add silvertop as a friend

Why are there no dinosaurs?

Because their eggs stink.

 

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deleted user Flag 03 Sep 19 4.07pm

Originally posted by silvertop

Why are there no dinosaurs?

Because their eggs stink.

I'll fetch your coat for you!

Edited by dollardays (25 Oct 2019 3.13pm)

 

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deleted user Flag 03 Sep 19 4.10pm

A guy is in a doctors office. His doctor is there with him.

"I have two pieces of bad news," the doctor says.

"What are they?"

"Well, the first piece of news is that you have cancer."

"What's the 2nd piece of news?" he asks.

"Well, the 2nd piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer's."

The man laughs and says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

 

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deleted user Flag 03 Sep 19 4.11pm

Patient: Tell it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?

Doctor: 5

Patient: 5 what? 5 years? 5 months??

Doctor: 4, 3, 2...

 

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 15 Sep 19 8.04pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

A guy phoned up a restaurant and asked to book a table. The receptionist asked him his name.
He said “Stuart – with a U”.
The receptionist replied “Sorry, you can book a table, but we don’t allow sheep on the premises.”

 

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 18 Sep 19 11.40pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

I recently asked a German friend of mine why he kept a piece of meat in his car boot.
He said "Ah.... that's my spare veal".

 

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View Zimeagle's Profile Zimeagle Flag Harare 01 Oct 19 1.49pm Send a Private Message to Zimeagle Add Zimeagle as a friend

[Link]

 

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