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May 22 2024 2.02am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Bin Liner's Profile Bin Liner Flag London , Southfields 15 Oct 13 12.51pm Send a Private Message to Bin Liner Add Bin Liner as a friend

she was only a petrol pump attendants daughter but she liked the smell of Benzoyl

 


Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound

Boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 21 Oct 13 2.01pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

Then, when you criticise them, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes!

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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Hoof Hearted 28 Oct 13 11.29am

Quote Pikester at 19 Sep 2013 7.46pm

We call my granddad Spiderman - he hasn't got any special powers, he just has trouble getting out the bath.

I nearly didn't make it to work today. My wife was heating some Alphabetti Spaghetti and it exploded.
No one was hurt but it could have spelt disaster.



2 crackers there Pikey!

 

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 31 Oct 13 3.24pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

The wife came out of the bathroom and said “I have just shaved my fanny and you know what that means don't you?”

I said “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again..”

 


Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 01 Nov 13 9.29am Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

David Beckham gets into a taxi and he sees the driver looking at him
in the rear view mirror.
After about 5 minutes the driver says "OK give me a clue"
Beckham says "I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played
in America and got over a 100 caps for England, is that enough ?"



Driver replies "No you thick t***, where do you want to go

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 04 Nov 13 9.12am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Bloke is in a restaurant with his wife. She spills soup over her dress.

"Oh, look at the state of me," she exclaims, "I look like a pig!"

He replies, "Yeah, and now you've spilt soup all down yourself as well!"

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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Hoof Hearted 06 Nov 13 11.30am

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your interest in the latest C4 documentary project and the charming photograph of your wife and application form.

I would inform you that the documentary is actually called "FACT HUNT".

Yours Faithfully

C4 Documentary Production Team

 

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 06 Nov 13 8.46pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

When a woman meets a man:

- ooh, he's nice
- he probably has a girlfriend
- wonder if he's a player
- he's got good dress sense
- should I give him my number?
- I like his sense of humour
- is he smiling at me?

When a man meets a woman:

- I would shag her
- I wouldn't shag her

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View collier row eagle's Profile collier row eagle Flag romford essex via another galaxy 06 Nov 13 10.47pm Send a Private Message to collier row eagle Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add collier row eagle as a friend

Quote Johnny Eagles at 06 Nov 2013 8.46pm

When a woman meets a man:

- ooh, he's nice
- he probably has a girlfriend
- wonder if he's a player
- he's got good dress sense
- should I give him my number?
- I like his sense of humour
- is he smiling at me?

When a man meets a woman:

- I would shag her
- I wouldn't shag her

No such thing as I wouldn't with a face like mine!!

 

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View SirPeanut's Profile SirPeanut Flag Keston 06 Nov 13 11.01pm Send a Private Message to SirPeanut Add SirPeanut as a friend

Swastika in Geordie means something that used to be a sticker.

 


There are two kinds of person in this world:
1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 08 Nov 13 9.47pm Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

Sometimes to impress Girls, I use big words, that I don't fully understand, in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.

 


In dog beers I’ve only had one.

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View CrystalMH's Profile CrystalMH Flag Tooting 11 Nov 13 1.35pm Send a Private Message to CrystalMH Add CrystalMH as a friend

Sean Connery likes herbs, but only partially.

 


@mallett1991

Premierleagles!

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