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December 3 2023 10.44am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Crazy Palace Fan's Profile Crazy Palace Fan Flag Lincoln 05 Jan 09 8.57pm Send a Private Message to Crazy Palace Fan Add Crazy Palace Fan as a friend

man 1'My dog has no nose'
man 2'how does it smell'
man 1'Bloody Awful'

 

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View Pendragon's Profile Pendragon Flag Woking 05 Jan 09 9.29pm Send a Private Message to Pendragon Add Pendragon as a friend

Two dyslexic blokes walking down the street

one says to the other

can you smell fish?

leave it out, says the other one

I have a bloody job smelling my own name

 


Soar with the eagles or scratch with the chickens

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View mezzer's Profile mezzer Flag Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 07 Jan 09 10.14am Send a Private Message to mezzer Add mezzer as a friend

The post mortem has shown that John Travolta's son died from a rare disease known as Saturday Night Fever. Sufferers have little chance of Staying Alive.

 


Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 08 Jan 09 10.08pm Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

Knock knock

who's there?

Biggish!

Biggish who?

NO THANK YOU !

 


In dog beers Iíve only had one.

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 17 Jan 09 1.29pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I had a dream last night where someone shouted at me, "Ready. Set. GO!!!"

And I woke up with a start.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 19 Jan 09 8.13am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his Cows frozen solid.

As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues.

It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen.

The realisation of the situation then dawned on him.

With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage?

He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.

Just then, an elderly woman walked by, "What's the matter?" asked the old lady.

The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman.

Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cows noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon
back to normal and chewing the cud.

One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals.

The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed.

She declined his offer and walked off across the field.

A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer. "You know who that was don't you?" asked the passer-by.

"No" said the farmer "who?"

"That was Thora Hird."

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 19 Jan 09 8.16am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones', by the owners Hannah-Barbera (a unit of MGM).

A spokesman for the channel said 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know that people in Abu Dhabi Do"

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 19 Jan 09 6.15pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

My wife sat down on the
setee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started.

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 19 Jan 09 6.17pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been
in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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Catfish Flag Burgess Hill 19 Jan 09 6.31pm

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Cokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in.... And then the trouble started.

 


Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 27 Jan 09 10.12am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

What's the difference between your dream lady and your cleaning lady?

Your dream lady cleans for free.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View gladeagle's Profile gladeagle Flag Cavan Eire 01 Feb 09 8.10pm Send a Private Message to gladeagle Add gladeagle as a friend

a boy standing in his back garden says to his mum
"why is my charlton top lying on the grass" his mum looks out and shouts "the thieving c--ts have taken my pegs!"

 

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